Skymall Never Fails

Whenever I’m thinking about things I may need on my journey to get my shit together, skymall often guides the way. For those of you not familiar, skymall is a magazine which takes a captive audience (people trapped on an airplane) and asks the question, didn’t you really need a lifesized bigfoot statue? No, well perhaps you might be interested in some crystal goblets shaped like your grandma or something made of diamonds for your dog. 

Now doofy as skymall is, I often find myself dying for certain items. For instance, I have been coveting the sodastream for years and years. Before mere mortals heard about this gadget which carbonates water on infomercials, I had heard of it at 20,00 feet. Or like 5000 feet. How high do planes get? 

And skymall has informed me about things that I still want like a pen that can translate text from another language. And, as someone who studies people for a living, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t considered all of the sneaky cameras and listening devices that skymall has to offer. (Try getting that past the IRB. “I will then record subjects in secret using a camera hidden in my ipod touch.” Ethics be damned!) 

Hey kid, play with this.

World's Dumbest Condiment

But recently, I think skymall has finally gone too far.  I mean, given the context, it takes quite a bit for me to be shocked. But here it is. For those of you who need a little more protein in your diet, try this: protein ketchup. For only $32 you too can be the proud owner of the world’s dumbest condiment. You know, for less, you could buy a steak or like 3 whole chickens to dip in your regular ketchup. Or possibly, you could buy a sterling silver ketchup dispenser which will chill and aerate your condiments. You know, something practical. Just saying.