Church’s Fried Chicken at 10 PM on a School Night

As a sociologist, sort of, I often find myself observing people with a critical eye. And to answer your question, yes I am probably eavesdropping on your conversation right now. But don’t worry. It’s for research. Well, “research.” Like facebook stalking an ex-boyfriend is “research.” Anyways, I digress. So I had such a sociological opportunity on Tuesday night when I had a craving for Church’s Fried Chicken on my way home from tutoring some kids. 

So if you are not familiar with Church’s chicken it falls somewhere between KFC and Popeye’s on the scale from upscale to questionable. To be fair, it’s really more on the questionable side. But delicious. I have this theory that they feed their chicken salt from birth. There really is no other explanation. If you rubbed this chicken on a wall, you could see kids playing on the other side. 

So as any of you who have been to a fast food restaurant late at night may know, things are usually pretty clown school. On this particular occasion, there was a line around the block at the drive thru, which I soon realized was due to the fact that this one girl inside, I’ll call her Angry, was yelling back and forth with a driver who was refusing to drive away. But this is the least of this place’s problems, because it is almost immediately clear that they are pretty much out of chicken. I can see two old pieces hanging out on the heating rack, and this guy in the back making some more. I think. Or getting high. One of those. 

So people inside and outside the restaurant get more and more angry as they continue not to be given any chicken.  And I totally felt bad for this one girl, a high school kid who I will call Angel, who was running around trying to get everything done while Angry just kept yelling back and forth at the drive thru people.

What baffles me though is why everyone is so outraged that the service is bad. Why are you expecting good service? We are in Church’s at 10 PM on a Tuesday. You can’t get good service in a Church’s in the middle of the day, even if you were the president (of Church’s or the United States). 

And secondly, why are you in such a hurry? You are in Church’s at 10 PM on a Tuesday?  Whatever important function you needed to attend, that ship has sailed. I mean really sailed. Take this time to calm yourself, and reflect on what has led you to this place in your life. Possibly it was the munchies, or you practice third dinner or you need to get your five year old a midnight snack. Of course god forbid you work the night shift and this is breakfast, in which case I apologize. I am sorry in every way possible. 

There’s this one furious, furious lady and I hear her getting someone’s name to report to the management. Who might you ask? Angel. And she asks Angry to get it for her. What? Where were you the last 20 minutes while Angry was chewing her nails and cursing out customers? 

I really think they should have just pretended to be closed. That would have been the hero’s way out. And then Angry wouldn’t have been yelling about how she wasn’t talking to the person at the drive thru because they were rude to her and she had the right to refuse service to anyone. 

Meanwhile, chaos reigns. I go and sit in the corner and pretend to check my phone while two guys come in to order a bucket. Well, unless a bucket is two pieces of cold chicken, everybody is now REALLY screwed. And the nice girl tries to give me my order, but they have no cream gravy! What! I can understand no chicken, but no cream gravy? You must have lost your damn mind. 

But instead of yelling, I pretend to cry, so the girl goes back into the depths and returns having made me some cream gravy. 

She tells me she’s not really good at this, and I tell her no worries. And I tell her good luck, cause she is going to need it. I get home, and this sweet angel has made me salty milk soup. Bless her little heart. It wasn’t that bad, if you closed your eyes.