Awkward Encounters with the Male Species

When people are trying to lose weight, some of them might be trying to get back to their “fighting weight.” Or possibly people they want to get to their “pre-baby weight” or their “swim team weight.” Some people think into the future and want to be at their “I’m at my high school reunion and everyone can kiss my booty” weight. I am at none of these weights currently, but it seems that I may have reached my “threshold for awkward encounters with men” weight.

Most awkward picture I could find. 

I have recently lost about ten pounds, and I am now at that level of cuteness wherein strange men are starting to pay me attention again. It was kind of restful running under the radar for a while there. But it seems that I must now choose to either eat more chocolate, or deal with the attention of really random menfolk. And I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but the dudes I attract are RANDOM. I’m pretty sure that anyone who has traveled with me can attest to this. Of course, that is like eight blogs right there. I digress. 

Now let me make it clear, that while some of this awkwardness can definitely be attributed to the fact that the strangers I attract tend to be pretty strange, I too must take some of this blame. I have the super-helpful ability to turn even a perfectly respectable flirtation into a completely awkward situation. For instance, if another girl had a perfectly normal guy come up and talk to her at the gym, I’m pretty sure she would talk to him and not run away with a look of shock and confusion on her face, only to realize five minutes later that he was indeed flirting and not a serial killer. 

So let me tell you the story that made me realize once and for all that the awkward Olympics was soon to commence. My brother and I often go to this Vietnamese restaurant in North Austin. We have been there many times before. We will often sit there for an hour or two catching up on a Monday afternoon. We have seen this one guy who works there many a time before, and I am a bit under the impression that he owns the place. He is probably around fifty years old, and I would hazard a guess that his first language is not English. 

So, my brother and I have had the check for about five minutes, when the guy comes by, hands me the fortune cookies from off the check, and then hands my brother the check. I start laughing a little at what seems to me to be a) super unexpected, b) pretty sexist and c) some sort of confusion wherein this dude thinks my brother and I are a bit closer than all that, cause I’m pretty sure there is no rule wherein younger brothers are forced to pick up the check (although I would fully support that cultural practice). He then waits there until my brother pulls out a credit card and gives it to him.  (*note: to any waiters in the crowd, he did not do this because he was getting off shift because he was there for at least another hour and a half and there were plenty of empty tables.)

When he walks away, we talk about the unusualness of this encounter, but no harm done as my brother often picks up the check because he feels sorry for me and my doctoral student income. But then, the dude comes back, and he is talking to me and making jokes that I can’t quite understand, which I smile politely at because I have no idea what he is saying to me.  I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere, and he seems nervous about something, and then he tells me he is giving me his phone number and it’s on the bill. What? Surely not. Not after he just made this brotherly dude I am with pick up the check. But there it is, the number of the restaurant. I can make neither heads nor tales of this, but it reminds me strongly of when the parents of my students used to hit on me in Spanish. 

                Parent: “Sus ojos son regalos.”

                Me: Um… como?

                Parent: Your eyes. They are gifts.

                Me. Oh. Um. Okay. Thank you. (Awkward smile)

In any case, this is not the first of the awkward encounters so far, nor is it the last, but it’s the one where I noticed the change in climate. Winter is coming. And you, dear reader, shall be kept abreast of further awkward situations as they develop.