I hate cover letters.
More specifically, I hate applying for jobs and interviewing
and working on my resume, but mostly I hate cover letters. I bet there are
people in this world who write a mean cover letter. I imagine it goes something
like this. “I am the shit. You would be a fool not to hire me. Do it.” And then
I imagine, that if they did not write that in crayon, that they get the job. I
myself prefer writing cover letters wherein I:
1)
Forget that I have strengths
2)
Say they should probably give the job to someone
else, and
3)
Remind them that I am only in it for the money.
I try to be all cocky and confident, but it just is not in
my fluffy little nature.
I just finished interviewing for a full time job. So after a lengthy process which involved
doing all sorts of things which demonstrate my fabulousness, I was given a list
of my strengths and weaknesses. They listed my number one strength as being
able to build relationships. For serious? That’s my number one strength? Why
don’t you just say I’m pretty. Or I smell nice. My number one strength, after
six years of teaching and six years in graduate school is something that I
mastered when I was eight years old? Great. Good to know.
Then, one of my weaknesses is that I have been in graduate school
for six years. One of my weaknesses. Oh fuck me. What did I go to graduate
school for? I mean, technically, they are right because I have been studying
youth and the media for six years, and this position is not in youth and the
media. So why am I not applying for positions in youth and the media you might
ask? Because there aren’t any. Not here anyway. And this job is wicked awesome.
So now, while I wait to hear back, I am trying to write yet
another cover letter. Aaarghhh!!!!!! “Dear
potential employers. Please ignore this letter. Sorry to bother you. Jen
Diggity.”
I think I’m better off making up a job to do. Or just enjoying my last year of student
loans before this shit gets real.
Kisses,
Jen
